As a follow-up to yesterday’s crazy-popular post, Five Awesome Things to do When It Snows, please enjoy my five best ideas of truly ridiculous things to do when it snows:
1. Order lots and lots of food for delivery.
There are lots of choices to meet the needs for the palate that wants variety: Chinese food, subs, pizza–check your local yellow pages under “Delivery” or “Take out” because lots more selections may be available, depending on where you live. It’s so nice to not have to try to make it through the 6″-12″+ of snow…and of watching the delivery drivers try to make it to your house. Just be sure to tip appropriately when they finally do get there.
2. Strip naked and run barefoot around the house.
Outside, people! Otherwise, where’s the fun? Oh, and it’s best if you only try this if you either live out in the middle of the woods (when you’re not expecting the mailman) or have a 6-foot-tall privacy fence–otherwise, there’s a good chance you’ll be arrested for indecent exposure. And that’s no way to spend the holidays–especially not if they take you to the slammer dressed (undressed) like that.
3. Wrap a non-friend’s house in a Halloweeny-way.
Have a grudge against someone in your neighborhood? Try the cold-weather version of toilet papering their house–by toilet papering their house! It’s really cool how, when it’s cold enough to snow, the wet paper freezes hard right to their house. Just make sure you don’t leave snow-prints leading back to your house when you try this, because it’ll pretty much be a dead giveaway who is responsible.
4. Do a (sort-of) good dead — that gets two neighbors you dislike ticked at each other.
Have a couple of neighbors that you’re not thrilled with? Let the two of them do your dirty work by getting them ticked off–at each other. This idea works best after a really big snow: at least 6″–but the more, the better. The night of the big snow, before anyone’s had a chance to dig themselves out, go ahead and shovel the driveway of one person you’re not crazy about. Take the snow and pile it up nice and high right behind the car of the other person you’re not crazy about, making sure that your footprints are easily traceable from person 1 to person 2′s house. Person 1 will understandably believe that Person 2 is the guilty party, and will be ticked as &*)# at them. Person 2 will get the brunt of Person 1′s anger, and will justifiably be ticked off at them in return. The great thing about this idea is that, if Person 1 or Person 2 was getting on your case about anything, they’ll now be too distracted by each other to worry about you–at least for a while.
5. Save money on holiday gifts by giving snow — isn’t the yellow stuff pretty?
What a great idea! Snow is FREE to all, so makes the perfect gift for anyone who’s a little short on cash this holiday season. But the least you can do is collect the rarest snow you can–which is, of course, is the colored kind. For some reason, this unique snow seems to fall most frequently in wooded areas, so start your search there. Worried that it’ll turn too warm one day and your gift will disappear? Just stick a nice ball or two in the freezer, and melting before the holidays will be no problem at all. (Assuming you don’t have a power outage.)
*Disclaimer: this post is intended for entertainment purposes only. Clearly, these are ridiculous ideas--thus, the title of the post, Five Ridiculous, Crazy, and Totally Inappropriate Things To Do When It Snows.Probably obvious, but just thought I'd mention it.*